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This forum is for Bethel Congregational UCC’s Compassionate Communication Learning Community. Active dates Sept. 10 thru Nov. 12, 2018.
 
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 Exercise Questions for Sharing with the Community

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Suzanne Dunn
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Join date : 2018-08-16

PostSubject: Exercise Questions for Sharing with the Community   Thu Oct 18, 2018 12:24 pm

EXERCISE #2: BELIEFS VS NEEDS

Questions:

The practice of seeing beliefs as attempts to meet needs provides a way to understand one’s self and others that includes more compassion and deeper understanding. For example, as humans, we are bound to have beliefs. A common belief is “People are basically selfish, and they are ultimately out for their own good so we have to be guarded and protect ourselves from them.” What does this belief look like through the lens of needs? Perhaps this is a way that one can take care of one’s self – a way to protect one’s self from people and to be more assured of safety. Alternatively, one could also ask,
a. “What need(s) [of mine] am [I] not contributing to by having this belief?”
b. “Does having this belief contribute to an experience of trust, closeness, or compassion?”
c. “Is this belief keeping [me] from experiencing intimacy?”


EXERCISE #3: RULES VS NEEDS, ACTIVITY #1

Think of a situation where you are following a rule, or expecting someone else to follow a rule, and you are experiencing some pain. Next, write down the need(s) you are trying to meet with this rule (e.g., safety, effectiveness, etc…). Next write down what need(s) are not met by this rule or by adhering to it (e.g., choice, self-expression, etc…). Finally, check in with yourself to see if you can think of different ways to meet all these needs – perhaps even by eliminating this rule, or changing it to an agreement through a dialog.

Example: The rule I’m following and expecting my neighbors to follow is that good neighbors don’t play their home stereo systems so loud that they can be heard outside of the home. The needs that I’m trying to meet with this rule are for order, and consideration. The needs that are not being met by adhering to this rule are community, friendship, and self-expression.

Question:

So what are some different ways to meet all of these needs, even if it means eliminating this rule?


EXERCISE #5: FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE MET AND UNMET, ACTIVITY #1

Questions:

1. Are there feelings associated with needs that are met or unmet that are not listed on the Feelings Inventory? If so, what are they?
2. Is there a need not on the Needs List that seems to be calling for your attention? If so, can you close your eyes and give attention to what you are feeling or what bodily sensation you are having if the need is or is not being met?
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PostSubject: Re: Exercise Questions for Sharing with the Community   Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:40 am

Exercise #3, Activity #1

1- I am following the rules of my condo complex, as set forth by the HOA, but as an individual, am left out of social situations—presumably because I do not belong to a couple. I don't know this for a fact, but other single individuals have expressed the same perspective as I. Therefore, my needs for belonging are not met.
2- Another example is that I am quite active on several church committees. I expect people from my church to contribute to the well-being of homeless people, which doesn’t always happen, or at least in a meaningful way. In that way, when I present the “Ask” and the response from members of the congregation is "tepid" at best, I feel ignored and a deep sense of disappointment.

Exercise #5, Activity #1: Feelings When Needs are Met and Unmet
Feeling When Need is Met: Presence, purpose, acceptance, connection
Need Feelings When Need is Unmet: Unseen, invisible, unsupported, invalidated.

I have a need to feel as though I am living my life purposefully. I'm not always sure about that, and spend a lot of time questioning whether or not I would recognize it, if I were actually doing that.


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